by Navy Capt. (Ret) Peter O’Brien
We all know that NORAD (The North American Air Defense Command) traces Santa every year. But, here at the Special Compartmented Operations and Tracking Center Hypo (SCOTCH) we have been working a special program, (known locally as “Project Single Malt”) to develop a better idea of what we are really looking at when we consider Santa Claus and his sleigh.
As an overall assessment, the anecdotal reporting suggests that the aircrew is an extreme professional as there has never been – in decades of operation around the world in the most adverse conditions, any indication of a flight mishap. But this leads to some conjecture. Aircrew of that capability must be getting substantial amounts of flight time. Estimates for that level of sustained performance suggest 35 to 40 hours per month.
Further, while NORAD has suggested that this may be only one fabulously capable vehicle, that would require such astounding capabilities that we suspect that in fact there is a principle vehicle that NORAD tracks, but that this is more a head-fake than anything else. Rather, we estimate that there are perhaps 100 vehicles that are engaged in the operation, under the command of this Santa Claus. (Of note, one of our deep cover agents reports that he goes by the title “Admiral” among his own people, though the aircrew refer to him as “Big Red.” Apparently Non-aircrew NEVER refer to him as Big Red.)
But this leads to other issues: if there are 100 aircrew (that number includes Admiral Claus), and they are getting 35 hours per month, and they are never detected except on Christmas, and if we assume each training sortie is several hours long, that would mean some 1,200 sorties flown per month which have remained undetected for decades. Accordingly, these vehicles must possess truly state of the art stealth technology as well as infra-read suppression technology that masks the 8 x Reindeer engines (or 9, as the case may be).
Propulsion: the vehicle – or vehicles – are powered by 8 – or 9 – engines. There is some disagreement here among the analysts, with some insisting that “Rudolf” is a guidance and navigation system while others maintain that it provides guidance and navigation as well as propulsion. This is one of those areas where we do not have enough evidence to make a call, and that remains an open question. There is also speculation that “Rudolph” is the Guidance and Navigation System and “Red Nose” (see below) is a variant that was developed for special operations. Again, we are working to clarify that question. But, the Reindeer engines leave us with a great many questions, as our IR tracking is virtually non-existent, they have never been observed to leave contrails, and their efficiency has to be nothing short of magical, as they can apparently fly for more than 24 hours without refueling, at high speed, carrying substantial payloads.
Also, as is widely known, the vehicles are true VTOL capable, yet, we assume there is also some sort of hover capability that allows associated special operations elements to descend from the vehicle and deliver packages – while the vehicle hovers – silently. How exactly a SOF element could hang beneath, for example, an F-35 remains another intelligence gap, a very large information gap that we are seeking to fill. Also, these vehicles are very large yet, they can land on a small roof and then lift off and the houses are never damaged. There is as yet no speculation as to how that is managed.
As for guidance and navigation, the majority opinion is that the Red Nose Guidance and Navigation system (RNGN) is an integrated guidance, navigation and engine control system, and it is confirmed to have a number of remarkable performance specifications: specifically, it is known to have at least 4 billion waypoints and has, reportedly, never made an error. It is also integrated with the Package Delivery System (PDS) and while it has been operating for decades, has also, repeatedly never made a mistake in target generation. An inside source revealed that targets are portioned into two major categories: Naughty and Nice, and that there has never been a case of the PDS incorrectly filing one with the other, or of delivering the wrong “Package” to a given target.
As you can see, it is a remarkable vehicle, but we have a great many intelligence gaps that require more research. We are hoping for several million dollars in COVID funding to be diverted our way to assist in the research.
More findings next year…
Merry Christmas!
